​Few topics generate as much debate as children's use of smartphones and social media. Depending on who you ask, technology tends to be either portrayed as one of the greatest threats to young people's mental health or dismissed as simply another moral panic surrounding a new generation.

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As with many debates in psychology, the reality is likely to be more complex than either side suggests.

Psychology rarely benefits from asking whether something is entirely "good" or entirely "bad."

More often, the important questions are how, why and under what circumstances something affects us and perhaps the same is true of technology.

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It has to be acknowledged that there is understandable concern about the potential impact of excessive or problematic social media use.

Research suggests that certain patterns of use, particularly passive scrolling, cyberbullying, problematic use and technology-related sleep disruption, are associated with poorer mental health outcomes for some young people, including increased emotional distress, anxiety and body image concerns. These concerns should not be dismissed.

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Equally, however, technology can facilitate learning, creativity, social connection, identity exploration and access to support that may otherwise be unavailable. For many young people, particularly those who feel isolated or marginalised, online communities can provide genuine belonging and understanding.

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However, research continues to evolve, and important questions remain about causality; at the same time, there is growing agreement that understanding how young people use technology, and the wider context in which the use occurs, is likely to be more informative that considering screen time alone.

 

Rather than asking whether screens are inherently harmful, it may be more helpful to ask:

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What role is technology playing in this young person's life?

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The same amount of screen time can represent entirely different experiences.

One young person may spend an evening endlessly scrolling social media while feeling increasingly lonely and inadequate.

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Another may be speaking with friends, learning a new skill, creating digital art, playing collaborative games or exploring interests that strengthen confidence and identity.

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Both are using screens, but psychologically, they are doing something very different.

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This is why focusing solely on the number of hours spent online risks overlooking something much more important: function.

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In psychology and therefore therapeutic work, behaviour is rarely understood in isolation.  For that reason, therapists may invite clients to consider what purpose the behaviour serves.

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Sometimes a young person's relationship with technology becomes a way of regulating difficult emotions. Sometimes it offers escape from loneliness, bullying or conflict at home. Sometimes it provides connection where they struggle to find it elsewhere. Sometimes it simply reflects boredom, curiosity or enjoyment.

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Technology itself may not be the primary problem. Rather, a young person's relationship with technology may become a symptom or a form of communication that something else deserves our attention.

If a young person is spending increasing amounts of time online, it is worth asking not only,

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"How much?"

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but also,

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"What is happening in their world that makes this space feel so important?"

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That question naturally widens our focus.

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What are relationships like at home?

How are friendships developing?

How is school?

How are emotions understood and talked about within the family?

What opportunities exist for connection, independence and mastery away from screens?
 

These questions rarely have simple answers, but they often tell us much more than screen-time statistics alone.

The current debate also risks creating the impression that parenting is primarily about preventing children from experiencing risk.

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Protection is undoubtedly important, but so are education and preparation and children need all three.

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The balance between protection, education and preparation should always take account of a child's age, developmental stage, emotional maturity and individual needs.

 

What is appropriate for a seventeen-year-old is very different from what is appropriate for an eight-year-old.

But the reality is that children are growing up in a digital world.

 

Our task is therefore not only to protect them from negative impact of  technology, but to help them develop the judgement and emotional awareness needed to navigate it safely, responsibly and meaningfully.

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Perhaps one of the most important skills we can teach is critical thinking.

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Young people are exposed to an unprecedented volume of information, opinions and algorithms that shape what they see online.

 

Learning to ask questions such as:

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Who created this?

What is the source of this information?

What evidence supports these claims?

Could there be another perspective?

What might be missing?

Is someone trying to persuade me?

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may be just as important as teaching online safety.

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Developing critical thinking means helping children learn not only what to think about, but how to think.

In other words, digital literacy is not simply about using technology - it is also about learning to evaluate information thoughtfully, consider its source, recognise bias, question assumptions and remain curious rather than accepting everything at face value.

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This also means recognising the importance of modelling.

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Children observe not only what we tell them about technology but also how we ourselves relate to it.  If we hope they will develop balanced, intentional and flexible habits, it helps if they see adults doing the same.

That also includes modelling critical thinking ourselves, in other words,  pausing to consider the source of information, questioning what we read, recognising that the algorithms do not present a complete picture and showing that it is acceptable to change our minds when presented with new evidence.

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Boundaries also remain pivotal. However, relying solely on prohibition may not always achieve the outcome we hope for. As children and adolescents naturally seek greater autonomy, rules that are experienced as purely restrictive can sometimes reduce opportunities for open conversations or unintentionally encourage secrecy.

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Clear boundaries are often most effective when combined with explanation, trust and ongoing dialogue.

There is also a broader societal conversation about the responsibilities of governments, schools and technology companies. Questions around age-appropriate design, online safety, algorithmic transparency and reducing children's exposure to harmful content deserve ongoing attention.

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These are, undoubtedly, important discussions but there are also largely outside the control of parents in their day-to-day lives. And even with stronger regulation, young people will continue to encounter misinformation, persuasive technologies and content that may not always be in their best interests.

The question therefore becomes not only how we reduce risk but how we help children develop capacities to navigate that world.

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This is where psychology offers something distinctive. Rather than asking whether technology itself is good or bad, it encourages us to understand the meaning technology has for a particular child within the wider context of their life.

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The challenge, therefore, is unlikely to be helping children avoid technology altogether. Rather, it is helping them learn to engage with it intentionally and meaningfully.

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Our goal is not only to raise children who can use technology safely. It is to help them become young people who can think critically, regulate themselves effectively, build healthy relationships and make thoughtful decisions about how they engage with the digital world.

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This means that lasting digital resilience grows through secure relationships, emotional development, critical thinking, thoughtful boundaries, education and preparation.

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If we focus only on restricting access, we risk overlooking the psychological processes that shape how children engage with technology in the first place.

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Perhaps the most important question, then, is not:

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"How many hours has my child spent online today?"

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but:

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"How is this young person using technology?

What purpose is it serving?

And what might that be telling me about their emotional world?"

 

Ultimately, psychology reminds us to look beyond the screen and towards the child.

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It is there, rather than in screen time alone, that we are most likely to understand both the challenges they face and the support they truly need.

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About the author

Dr Anna Wachowska is an HCPC-registered Counselling Psychologist and founder of RelationalMind Practice. Her clinical work is integrative, formulation-led, and informed by psychodynamic, relational and attachment-based thinking.​​​​​​​​

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Psychological Essays | Dr Anna Wachowska | RelationalMind Practice